I’m going to tell you what my biggest pet peeve is, but before I do that, I have to give you a glimpse of what has been going on in my little slice of the world. I can honestly say that only a few years ago, I’d be losing my mind trying to right this; but I have learned to let go, harder than it looks, but well worth it.
This summer has been a difficult one, more so for the kiddo than me. Unfortunately, it has not ended well for her, with her walking away from 4 pretty significant (good and bad) relationships in a very short time. While I tried to guide her along, there were some mistakes on the way, too.
This life isn’t always easy, but I do believe she is better off for the lessons she is taking with her, surrounding all of this. As emotional as it has been, I have encouraged her to continue loving with all of her heart, even though I know it will break a few thousand more times in her life. That is life. Good and bad, you can find a healthy balance.
Which brings me to my biggest pet peeve and how I learned to let it go.
I still have the pet peeve. But the period of time it takes me to leave it be, is much much shorter, these days.
My Biggest Pet Peeve.
I absolutely cannot stand with all my heart, no matter how it came to be, anyone thinking anything about me that simply isn’t true.
I woke up with this today, so it is still rolling around in my head. But I’m not losing my head over it. That’s progress.
Over the course of the kiddo’s exit from one whole side of her family, words were written to her about me, that she didn’t need to read, and, scarily enough, weren’t meant for her, at all.
Well, I can’t assume here. Let’s just say that if those words were meant for her, it was a cruel and unnecessary way to end things. Ironically, through this text exchange, she did not heed my advice, choosing instead to use her own words. The result was a harsh and completely untrue statement. About me.
My biggest pet peeve.
BUT. There comes a time when you learn to walk away, because to engage means that you are lending credence to the false claim. She immediately wanted to respond and I told her no. 100%, without a doubt, in no way, was she to respond to the hatred she received in that last text.
Firstly, it isn’t worth it. She knows what was said isn’t true (proven through actions, not just lines of words), and as I told her, engaging further wouldn’t change anything.
Secondly, though it was hurtful, she had been far enough down this path with the offenders, to know that they were lashing out without any reason other than to try and break our bond. Again, it’s been proven how deep our love for one another is, and she knows that if she had questions of any kind about what was said to her, she can ask me and I will tell her truthfully.
I don’t lie to the kid.
Well. There’s that thing about Santa. But we are mostly over that.
I don’t lie to the kid. Which has been a fine (oh so very fine) line to walk on occasion. But as I said, my biggest pet peeve is having someone believe something about me that just isn’t true. I certainly don’t want her misunderstanding anything. Which means I am open and as honest as I can be (some things are left for when she is older, of course).
I still have this pet peeve. It’s a hard one to shake, given everything that has happened to land me here in this life. But I have learned to walk away without engaging, for the most part (I’m not perfect, just a work in progress).
There are certain criteria for doing so.
You must recognize the worthiness of whatever the claim may be.
You must gauge whether it is worth attempting to explain (whatever).
And finally, you must understand the outcome of engaging or not. You may be walking away from one thing, that causes you to chuck the whole thing.
At 13, a very real lesson, not a happy one, for sure.
I am grateful for the kiddo’s loyalty, something I earned, not forced her to be. I am saddened for things to have ended this way. I am hurt that a possible attempt to drive us apart was done out of hate and ignorance (lack of knowledge about…).
But I am confident in my decision to disengage further. And that she allowed my encouragement in this regard. At 13, she is (in so many wonderful and not so, ways) my own. At 13, passionate and raw, I am hoping it doesn’t take her 30 more years to realize that walking away is often the best way to work through (whatever).
My biggest pet peeve. Go ahead, believe what you want. I am not interested in changing your mind. Though, I will continue to live my life in the best way I can, not nearly always or ever perfect. Just content in the knowledge of who I am and how I am raising my child. All that has come before this has helped shape who I am today. And I lay my head down each night, confident that I am the best me I can be.
My biggest pet peeve may always be there, but every day of my life I am learning to walk away from people/places/things that simply do not matter more than my need to exist truthfully and without shame for who I was and who I’ve come to be.
I know. It sounds a little like I’m engaging. I am a work in progress. I said. I needed to work this out with words, choosing my blog for my platform. I am not looking to change anyone’s mind, here. I am who I am and you either accept it or you don’t. I know now that wasting energy trying to fix something that can’t be fixed, is wasted time. And though I have a tiny bit of crazy (don’t we all?), I am not interested in being a poster child for the definition of insanity. Been there. Done that. Not worth it. Moving on.
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